Silver Spring
by SporkGoddess
Summary: A nice dose of post-series Allenby angst, set to Silver Spring by Fleetwood Mac. Spoilerific, in case you can't tell... No pairing other than D/R, really, just unrequited love


Silver Spring

By the Almighty SporkGoddess

Selfishness.

What exactly is it, anyway? What is so stigmatic about that word? 

People say things against it all of the time. They always talk about how 'there is no I in team', or how love isn't for the selfish.

Is that really true, though?

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You could be my silver spring  
Blue-green colors flashing

I mean, think about it. Is love truly completely selfless? Is it really about sacrifice? About giving up anything you desire just to see the person you love happy?

If that's the case… then why do I feel so empty? 

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I would be your only dream  
Your shining over ocean crashing  


I know… I know I told him to tell her how he felt. I know that their love saved the world and blah blah blah, but really… am I supposed to feel like this? I should be happy, I mean what I did was the mature thing to do. 

No, she was never all that nice to me. I guess I can't really blame her – I would have done the same. She seems like a nice woman to anyone who isn't me, anyway. It's almost disgusting, really. I guess that in a more generous moment of mine I could say Domon deserves a woman as wonderful as she is.

… But deep down, I know that I really think that Domon deserves someone like me. 

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Don't say that she's pretty  
And did you say that she loved you  
Baby I don't want to know  


It's all over, I know. He confessed his love to her, and they're together. I know in the end I'll be okay with it, I just need time.

But in the meantime, I can't shake this horrible hollow feeling inside. What decides who will fall in love with whom? Cupid?

… Whoever it is, it's one cruel and mocking deity.

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So I begin not to love you  
Turn 'round, see me running  


I don't think people can understand the way I feel. They see me as a spare part for Neo Sweden, pretty much. I guess I felt that way, too, until I met him…

I'll never forget that wonderful euphoria I would feel just from seeing his face. The pure exhilaration I had gotten from fighting him. It was above all comprehension… no one but us could understand us. It was something we shared, intimately. We fought with the same manner as two best friends hugging each other.

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I say I loved you years ago  
But tell myself you never loved me no  


Whatever we were, I do know that we were best friends. We did everything together – obviously, Rain didn't like that. 

I used to think about what it would be like if he felt the same way as me. I wonder if he ever felt anything. 

… Not that it matters now. He chose her, not me, and no feelings of mine can change that.

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And don't say that she's pretty  
And did you say that she loved you  
Baby I don't want to know

Eventually, I told him of my feelings. It was too late though. I'd missed my chance -- not that I'd ever had one in the first place. All I can remember was seeing him through the flurry of tears before my eyes: a filmy outline of his body that was slumped on the ground, lamenting over his lost love. 

A love that I could never comprehend – a love that he had been unable to comprehend until it was too late—just like me. I know that we're very much alike, but that's just ridiculous…

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Oh no  
And can you tell me was it worth it  
Baby I don't want to know

I guess you could say I was… am… infatuated. People really underestimate that word. They say 'It's just infatuation.' Obviously, these people have never felt it. This all-encompassing need to be next to someone; to feel that you could become lost in their eyes.

  
_Time cast a spell on you  
But you won't forget me_

What's the difference between love and infatuation? I still don't know, but I think I have figured out this much:

Love is equal – infatuation is not.

… Infatuation is painful… love is not…

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I know I could have loved you  
But you would not let me

Romeo and Juliet knew each other for only a few days, at least if I remember correctly. They couldn't have possibly been in love under such a short period of time. Yet, their infatuation with each other was enough to drive them to suicide.

Is that really all that surprising? I now feel that I have so much in common with these tragic figures whose only crime in life was becoming completely enamoured with someone completely unattainable.

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Time cast a spell on you  
But you won't forget me  


I think that in these short span of weeks, I have aged many years. They call me a silly schoolgirl with a little crush. What do they know? They haven't felt the pain I feel whenever I see how happy she is with him.

How happy he is with her… and not with me…

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I know I could have loved you  
But you would not let me  


Obviously, fate has dictated that I'm not the right one for him. I think that's the one thing that was pretty damned obvious. Maybe I knew all along…

Either way, it doesn't matter now…. Someday, I'll get it into my head that I did the right thing. And then I'll be happy…

….At least, that's what I keep telling myself…

Author's Note: Another 'Neon Sign' song for me – it just screamed Allenby. I know I'm not known as an Allenby fan… quite contrary, in fact, but the fact that I'm using a song by my favorite band should prove that I don't hate her as much as I claim. XD Anyway, I got sick of the fics saying that she's all hunky-dorey with what happened in the end of the series. I mean, I can't say I would be feeling too great. Eventually she'll get over it, but until she does she's bound to be in some pain. And I think the song lyrics expressed this very well. Hope you liked it!

Disclaimer: … If I owned G Gundam, would I be here right now? Anyway, the song Silver Spring_ is by Fleetwood Mac, which is the best band of all time. ^_^_

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